the unspoken
So much for all the promises you made, they served you well and now you’re gone and they’re wasted on me.
I don’t quite understand how to identify the feelings I’m currently feeling. There’s so much of it, some I know, some I don’t. I noticed, anger and disappointment are one of them.
You weren’t so eager on giving up on me for the past seventeen years, why start now? Just so you know, I want it. I want it so badly.
I’ve never really think much about my future simply because I believe my future is six feet under the ground but then you told me that between my kind of future, there’s also another future. The ones with a possibility to make me happy. I listened to you and started to think about it, the future.
I designed it, as perfect and as possible as it could be. I showed you it, you agreed. So why do you stop agreeing? Did you say yes at the beginning just to shut me up? You don’t think it’s complicated to not give up on me, yet you think it is complicated to say ‘NO’ to me. I’m not afraid of rejection. If you want to reject me, say it from the very fucking start.
Right now, I’m slowly losing faith on the future. The ones, you said, with a possibility to make me happy. I don’t know which one is worse, the fact that I hang my future on a false hope or the fact that the one who put me in such predicament was you.
Night humans!
Tonight will be the last night I’m having my parents bedroom as my own (they are coming back from Jeddah tomorrow night) and I think it would be nice if I wrote something on tumblr.
Right now, I have a lot of things in my mind. At first it was only practical exam, school exam, national exam, and my other unfinished school task (20 Surat and short story), BUT this morning my school mate said that the yearbook photo shoot will be held this Saturday and Sunday!!! Holy cow, I haven’t even finished my school thingy and yet something even more urgent came and ‘nyelak’ in the queue!
Oh God, the great Aulia Izzati is freaking out. I don’t know what to wear, I don’t know what my theme would be, I don’t know what pose should I do!
Laugh Out Loud. I got you there didn’t I? True, I don’t know what’s going to happen to me but I’m not freaking out. I’ll just take Friday off and go somewhere looking for nice clothes…
Suggestion on what I should do or wear on photo shoot?
P.S. Just Kidding. Don’t fill the answer box.
Afternoon, fellow humans!
This week is an awesome week for me, why? Because I went to school for only two days! :DDDD
At the house I’ve been busy watching Futurama and downloading iPhone games. I know I’m supposed to be blah blah blah study blah blah future but I just can’t resist…
I know what those kepo people said about me at school “look at her, 17 without a purpose and direction” or a more judging one like “bah, peeps like her are gonna end up at ITB or UI or another state university anyway”. Well I ain’t like you people, I don’t need people to know what am I chasing. To me, chasing feels more exciting when nobody knows that you are actually chasing and I——
My download is finished! See ya.
I’m sick of school. I don’t want to go to university. I’m not ready to live the life I don’t want.
Other people feel nervous, lazy, sad, happy, excited, etc. with the fact that school is back tomorrow but I feel nothing. No sadness, no happiness, nothing. The worst time has come, school finally bores me. I have no intention of studying nor skipping. I just want it to end like other things in my life.
It’s Friday again. Somehow my only chance to write something here is Friday after school before extra-course. And maybe Saturday evening and Sunday morning.
So, I’ve been busy. My life is a mess but I can manage. Thank God to me life-planning agenda! Well, actually it’s more of a “What I Did This Week” agenda instead of “What I’m Going to Do” agenda but it’s still an agenda anyway.
I just received my report book and damn, this is the first time I’ve ever got so many A in a paper and also the first time I’ve ever got a C.
It took me 17 years 6 months and 24 days to realized that they’re only numbers and alphabets. Something that I won’t need in the true meaning of life. It may have been close to perfect, let’s say 97 out of 100, but what does that mean? Does it mean you will have a better future? Better job, better life-partner, better condition? No.
Bah. Let’s forget that heavy stuffs and move on to the easy and simple stuffs like where should I eat tonight wait, that’s a heavy stuff or what should I song before I go to sleep.
Hhhhh, life’s simple, humans. And beautiful, let’s not forget that.
was simply terrible!
It was like flying on a 14 hours plane and you got to sit on a regular cheap seat in the middle of old couple who sleeps all the way there. I don’t know the population quite well and unlike the years before I don’t feel like wasting my time trying to try to get to know the whole class.
Since it’s my senior year, I can’t afford to be as carefree as before but that doesn’t mean I would stop being careless. As much as I want to graduate, I still have a reputation to uphold and I don’t want to be seen panicking in front of public’s eyes… No, I’m not a social climber, I’m simply building my own personality. It’s a gift God gave me so long ago. Just so you know, you only see what I let you see, nothing less nothing more. What you say is nothing new to me cause I literally led you to say that. Oh yeah, how smart.
And now we don’t have that much time anymore and this ‘figure-me-out’ game is getting bored. I finally tired of my own game and I really really need a new game before I start messing with someone’s life and practically destroyed it.
Ten of many reasons why I don’t go to school if there’s nothing important like the test.
- I had to use the stairs. My class is on the third floor.
- Most of the teachers are retarded. They can’t even tell wether I was lying or not when I said my father gave birth to me.
- I hate kissing dirty hands. True, I never seen them wash their hands.
- There are only two types of kids, the worry-too-much kids and the pretending-not-to-worry-too-much kids. Nobody is interesting like me.
- I hate teenage boy. I’m definitely up for a 20 something like Kennedy Brock or a 30 something like David Kennedy, I love Kennedy(s).
- Teenagers seem to have a hard time minding their own business. They just couldn’t stop bothering me.
- I love my brain. If studying is going to make it smaller then, no thanks.
- I am awesome. Awesome people don’t go to school, they are smart already.
- I had better things to do. Sleeping counts as better thing, it made us live longer.
- School sucks.
I am smart, know it, knew it.
